Monday, March 22, 2010

It had been months upon months of dry. A late spring lagged into a late summer, fumbling into a scorching autumn. Suburban lawns turned to hay, overheated cars held up enervated traffic and birds fell out of the sky in Hopetoun and Mungilup. Tourists sat on benches in dehydrated stupors while petrol stations ran out of bagged ice. On the hottest days, air-conditioning threw the city's electricity usage over the possible maximum limits. Pedestrians' journeys were considered in terms of shade opportunities rather than distance. Beach sand became lethal.

One Monday in late March, they finally predicted rain to the disbelieving, panting population. It was a cloudless thirty degrees all morning until, suddenly, the heavens opened in late afternoon, crashing down in rain and then huge balls of hail. People spilled out into their doorways and rushed to their office windows, looking out at water and ice covering the streets. Dogs cowered in their kennels, believing the end had come. It became night and winter at five in the evening, a violent crescendo of thunder percussion and flickering globes. Office buildings were evacuated, their waa waa alarms ringing all over the city. Workers remained at their desks, choosing to sink with the ship rather than drown on the street. It was a chaos of wind, water and leaves, a battle of umbrellas and skirts and puddles. Traffic once again ground to a halt but Nature had balanced herself again with a swipe of her hand: the rains were here, the air was petrichorous, the heatwave, broken.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The white galahs snowed onto Langley Park like a heavy Asturian winter.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals.

--Don DeLillo in a letter to Jonathan Franzen, 1996.

Saturday, March 6, 2010


I am plagued by nightmares. I thrash, awake, asleep, awake, until miniature lightnings spark my sheets. Electric on all counts. I can tell you they do not burn.

In the harsh glare of day I remember the curve of her unclothed spine. I pick up the phone to call him back, only to remember they were all dreams. No one is waiting for the call, no skin was on show. Once I almost didn't turn up to work, believing they'd truly fired me.

My mother would recount my haunted child body sitting up straight in bed, wide-eyed and mumbling, sometimes shouting, demonic with fury. I'd wake in different parts of the house, different beds, the light entering from different sides and different windows. I'd keep a dream diary and awaken to read my seven dreams that night. There would be train trips, fleeing from slow criminals, concrete feet. I dreamed about my much-desired rollerblades, only to have the imagined store assistant emerge in the daylight, same name, same everything. I told him they'd sold out, hadn't they.

Later I would make coffees for the academics during the university semester, return home and continue well into the night, standing at my chest of drawers--the exact height of the espresso machine--shouting orders for cappuccinos and long blacks. I'd dream the impatient crowds, sugar sachets, muffins, the spaces wider than the walls around. In a drowsy dark grey world of blurred faces, I'd be the star barista who conquered time and froth, appeasing the masses, moving in flurries. Suddenly I'd be lifted out, what what what is this. The shuffle back to bed, only to repeat the night after.

I had to leave when the sleep-deprived migraines began. In some ways I guess was the best and most underpaid worker they had.

To lose control in sleep, to not be aware and be aware, to fall around furniture like a soulless night walker. A prostitute of somnambulism, I live two lives, in sleep and out, but they melt into each other until it matters less and less. I have headaches, leg-aches, back-aches from moving to the rhythms of my dreams. Life and sleep-life. These days I have trouble remembering which is which.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

tumbling, crumbling,
shattered, scattered,
today, today.

disappointing, unanointing,
rejection, dejection,
grey, grey.

feigning, staining,
stakes, fakes,
away, away.